What is a woman to you?

I feel like this post will be more of me spilling out my feelings regarding womanhood and 'femininity'.

This is something I'd never really thought about until the past year or so. I'll never speak on the experiences and thoughts of other women, but recently I've been grappling with my thoughts on what I believe these things are, and if I fit the criteria of what a woman is considered to be.

It's so hard not to just take everything I've been taught from society, religion, culture and family and throw it into what I believe femininity is. I can't tell if succumbing to the expectations of the traditional 'woman' makes me weak or a pick-me, and I can't tell if fighting against it is just an act of rebellion against societal norms.

When I think about what makes a woman - aside from the biological make up - I think about the traits we have that separate us from men - being nurturing and emotional - but then I think about the women that aren't naturally inclined to act like this and I wonder if this makes them any less of a woman than the next. Obviously not.

But on a wider scale, I think about motherhood and families, and what my stance is on it. From a religious perspective, I know technically we were put on this earth to procreate and whatnot, but I battle with that, and just being able to be without having a pre-existing expectation that was decided for me. I like to think I have autonomy over my body and my choices, but again, I'm left debating whether or not some of the choices I think to make, make me less of a woman.

The majority of people will tell you the most important part of being a woman is eventually becoming a mum and starting a family. I don't know if I'll ever want kids, and I ask myself, am I failing myself as a woman by not bringing life into this world? *This doesn't apply to people that are unable to have kids pls don't beat me* I think about the state of the world, and I think about what goes into being a mum and sorry I just don't think it's worth it.

I've never had baby fever, I've never complied a list of potential baby names in my notes like a lot of other women, and I've never had that urge to be a mother. I've asked myself if there's something wrong with me because I still contemplate life as a mother, knowing that right now, it's not something I want for my future. I know one of the reasons is because of society, but I even feel ashamed and embarrassed when the topic of kids comes up because I'm usually the only one that doesn't want them. I wonder if it will hinder my future relationships.

It is selfish, I know. But is that not okay? I know too many women, married and single alike, with kids who have lost themselves and become their children. They're the 'perfect' wife and mother, but no longer have identities outside of that. Motherhood is in my opinion the hardest job on this planet, and definitely the most underrated just because of how common it is, and I just don't know if I'll ever be able to subject myself to that.

Are your children your legacy? Am I blocking my blessings by saying I don't want to have children? Am I leaving myself with nothing after I die or if I get sick with nobody to look after me? I don't know; because one thing people also need to come terms with is the fact that technically your kids don't owe you anything. Many people procreate with the intentions of producing a mini-me, and base their love for their children on how happy they make them. I do think as a generation we will break these trends, but I also think some are inevitable. It's easy to forget that you brought your kid here, and they didn't ask to be here, so when you are dedicating your life to them, you feel entitled to get all of that back.

But your kids are their own people, and this is something (potential) parents have to think about.

I think about my mum a lot in this. She is honestly the perfect mum in all regards and aspects, even still - despite what she's been through. I've said to myself that I wouldn't want to be a mum unless I can do even half of the stuff she can do - but is that as much of a compliment I think it is? She's so intelligent and such a genuine human, but I think raising four kids has forced her to put herself on the backburner, and it makes me so sad.

For me I hope my legacy is left in the lives of people that I have changed, whether that be in the work I do in my lifetime, or in the children I may - or probably won't - end up having.

Womanhood is what you make it, and I hope anyone who reads this finds some sort of comfort in my thoughts.