Friend or Foe

Sometimes friendships fizzle out slowly, and sometimes it hits you like a dump-truck, and the people you thought you would have in your life forever are no more. And it's not necessarily like you've had a defining moment that has caused things to end - you're still on speaking terms, but you just know that the friendship isn't the same and you aren't on that person's priority list anymore or vice versa.

It's easy to wonder if you're the problem when it seems like you're having all the issues in your friendships, and not to validate the toxic people out there, but sometimes it's not your fault. You're going to grow apart and meet new people and that's okay.

I had to come to terms with that quickly when during my gap year and all my friends had gone to uni. Because I was in the same place, I forgot the people that had been around me my whole life were meeting new people (in their adult stages might I add) who they were going to form bonds with that might overshadow mine. I felt neglected and that was because I expected to have the same relationships with people that I did when I was seeing them 5 days a week, and sometimes even more than that.

I am by no means saying that you need to change the friends that you had when you were younger; I still have close friends that I've known for touching 15 years, and I know we'll be friends for years to come. I just just think it's important note that if you're no longer best friends with that person you thought was going to be your maid of honour and there was no altercation of any sort, that's okay. People come and go, and you too will find the people that will remain a constant in your life. As daunting as it seems, you'll meet people and make friends in the most random ways.

People don't talk enough about friendship breakups; especially when they have simply fizzled out. The person who used to be your go-to, is now a distant memory, maybe someone who you'll congratulate and wish a happy birthday when necessary, but you'll no longer have the access to each other that you never thought you would lose. But just like relationships, it's nice to be able to look back at the time you shared together and appreciate the memories for what they were. Often times people go searching for their lost friend in another person, which is why many don't last long - because they were built on unstable foundations, as opposed to just starting fresh and creating an authentic connection.

As much as you miss the friendships you once had, it gets to a point when holding on to what it once was - and what it could be again - does more damage than good. Often times you get yourself hurt, and end up resenting the person even more than you would've if you just let your relationship run its course naturally.